Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
