Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize