We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
