It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
