i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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