no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
