Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
