All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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