After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
