someone threw a dead crab at me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
