How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
