TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
