Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
