At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
