Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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