So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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