I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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