i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
