just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
