i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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