I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
