but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Randomize
