I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
