After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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