Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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