Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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