I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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