I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
