I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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