Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
