Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
