So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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