Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
