Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
