I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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