Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
