I'm drive I can fine osifer
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
