I skipped work to stalk him.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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