I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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