so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
