dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
