Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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