I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize