im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
