I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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