My boss' voice literally gives me gas
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My balls are so social today.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
