i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
