some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
