why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
