Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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