4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
