I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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