Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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