Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
