This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
