i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize