Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
