dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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