o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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