Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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