idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize