Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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