Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
