all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
