Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
