I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's like a pop up book from hell.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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