Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
