it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
