in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
