You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
