I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
