someone threw a dead crab at me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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