Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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