His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
