it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
